Now, let me just say I am in no way trying to “Mom shame” anyone by talking about this! I just wanted to share my breastfeeding story in hopes that it can encourage other mama’s the same way I was encouraged to begin!
So, I initially was exclusively pumping because Ezri was a NICU baby. Ezri had to get a specific cooling treatment to prevent further injury that she had at birth. That treatment took about 3 days and during that time, we weren’t allowed to hold her. Therefore, anything she ate that I produced was given to her via syringe.
Now, I honestly didn’t realize this until recently, but the part of labor and delivery that I was most excited for was the moment I could have skin to skin with my baby. It is a truly significant moment in the whole process and I truly believe it opens the door for mother and baby to bond. Because of everything that had happened (go back and see my labor and delivery blog for the full story!) They had to take Ezri pretty quickly because she wasn’t breathing well. They did put her on my chest, but she was wrapped in a blanket, as was I. We had no skin to skin and no moment to bond.
Fast forward to having her home.
I was still exclusively pumping and it was so hard. I didn’t feel close or bonded with Ezri at all. My husband and I were just trying to get by and navigate the first few weeks of being new parents. On a side note, Ezri ate a lot! As I was feeding her one bottle, Alex was preparing the next one, and that cycle continued. I remember being encouraged by other mamas that I should try to have skin to skin time with her to open the door to begin bonding. But honestly? It felt a little awkward to me at first.
I began to tiptoe around the idea of breastfeeding her. Thinking back, I remember being so worried that I was going to hurt my supply because I didn’t know how to do both, pump and nurse her. I didn’t know the best way to do it or even how to do it. I remember having a very detailed schedule of when I pumped, how much she ate, whether I gave her a bottle or nursed her, when she napped, how many diapers she went through… and I was so worried she wasn’t getting enough.
Not knowing what else to do, I reached out to my mom friend (she’s a mom of 4) and through my tears I told her how hard it was. I didn’t know where to begin and how awkward I felt about everything. I still felt like I had some stranger’s baby. She sat down with me and truly encouraged me. She told me how it’s God’s design for mother and baby, all the benefits of it, how it helps bonding, and all of that. So? I decided to give it a try and just exclusively breastfeed.
Ezri was almost a month old when I decided to switch.
I almost backed out at first… it’s very hard to be sure of something you can’t see. You just need to trust your baby to tell you if they need more or that they’re getting enough.
This was my door opening. This was the thing I needed to do to be able to bond with my daughter. Breastfeeding allowed me to bond with my daughter on such a deeper level. I remember the nights where I was nursing her and she often would stop, look up at me, and just stare at me and smile. I’m truly grateful for the gift of breastfeeding our babies!
Breastfeeding is not an easy thing (especially when the babies have teeth…), but I can’t encourage it enough. The benefits for your baby are limitless, but on top of that I truly believe it’s one of the best things to do to be able to bond. Although I didn’t have that moment initially with Ezri, I’m grateful for how far we’ve come and how close we’ve grown because of our breastfeeding journey.
Read More Below
- My Labor and Delivery Story
- My Postpartum Journey
- Grief of What Was
- The Day Time Stopped
- To the Mama Who Tries to Do It All
