Grief: keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret
Did you know you could grieve your birth experience?
My mind was telling me I should’ve been grateful for what I had. After all, a lot of mom’s wish they could have a non-induced, unmedicated, vaginal birth… and I had that. Granted, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I did it nonetheless. Yet, I never felt that “magical high” that mother’s get when they see all the hard work pay off and their baby is born. In reality? It was the opposite.
I had such strong feelings that I was battling with: guilt, shame, sadness… I felt so unfulfilled in what my husband and I walked through during the delivery of our baby girl. Ultimately, I felt like my body failed and that I had failed my daughter because of what she had to face right when she was born. Having to watch her be taken away to the NICU absolutely broke me.
I wasn’t the only one.
I had spoken to one of my good friends, Kailen, who’s a mama too. She told me, “It’s ok to grieve your birth experience and postpartum journey.” Her boy had to be admitted to the NICU as well, so she had walked this path. Her words rung in my ears… “Grieving your birth experience.”
I pondered over that for a while. I had never really heard of someone using the word grief other than times when someone had passed, so how could that be tied into my birth experience?
To grieve something means that there is mental or emotional suffering caused by loss or regret. So, to grieve my birth experience meant that I was allowing myself the freedom to feel upset, disappointed, and really let down at what I had experienced. It allowed me to face what I was truly feeling and not hide from it.
When Kailen told me that, it gave me the freedom to heal from everything by allowing me to take everything as it truly was, process it, and learn what to do from there.
Healing is a process.
In all honesty, I’m still processing and healing from everything… and that’s OK! Labor is something that truly changes you and is a hard journey to go through. I think back on our story and still find myself grieving it, but I’m happy I am. I’d much rather face everything head on then deny how it truly makes me feel.
If your birth experience wasn’t what you thought it would be… my heart goes out to you, mama. Don’t be afraid to face those feelings head on. Remember, you’re not alone, and no matter what happened, I’m proud of you for coming this far!
Read More Below
- My Labor and Delivery Story
- My Postpartum Journey
- Grief of What Was
- The Day Time Stopped
- To the Mama Who Tries to Do It All
